My wife and i are looking for a girlfriend

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Yeah, I know, imagine that. She's in a new relationship now. They are not swingers, and she's way happier than she ever was with her ex-husband.

And that's kind of the point here. Due to this rocky introduction, we were initially hesitant to get into the scene.

But the aforementioned couple did turn us on to websites like Kasidie and Lifestyle Lounge, where you can keep up with the scene and meet other couples kind of like OKCupid, but for swingers.

Through these sites, we found information on local mixers -- discreet get-togethers at bars, where swingers can meet each other and newbies can get their toes wet stop giggling in a chill setting.

The veteran couples we met at these mixers were always welcoming and more than willing to offer us advice on getting started.

And perhaps most importantly, they never pressured us into doing anything we weren't ready for. In fact, we soon realized the scene is all about asking before you initiate any sort of contact with someone.

That was a welcome relief for us, especially after the pressure my wife had previously received from the aforementioned husband.

As we met more and more couples who were understanding and patient, who were happy to stop the moment one of us hesitated, we realized that there are some truly good and decent people in the lifestyle.

And as we got more comfortable, we started being willing to do more. That led us to three years' worth of conversations about how far we were willing to go, what exactly we were looking for within the scene, and above all else, how we were in this together.

We didn't want to end up in a situation where one of us was like, "I'm bored. I'm going out fuck-hunting. If I get lucky, I'll see you tomorrow, loser!

After three years of dabbling in local mixers without ever really hooking up with any other couples , we decided to take the next step: our first big out-of-town event.

In Las Vegas, of course, because duh. This one was going to be a four-day takeover of an entire hotel, with over 1, swingers in attendance.

As we were packing for the trip, we psyched ourselves up for what we were sure would be a massive hour orgy of writhing bodies.

We had another long discussion about how far we were willing to go "Let's just go for it all" was our consensus this time , and we showed up with roughly every condom produced that year.

Our fantasies were dashed pretty quickly. The first night, we walked into the venue and saw a bunch of people dressed in the sexiest attire we could imagine think Vegas nightclub, but without any rules about indecent exposure.

Everyone looked smoking hot, but we couldn't for the life of us figure out how to talk to anyone. As we walked around, we noticed that everyone seemed to be hanging out in their own cliques.

We felt pretty awkward, but we soon realized that this is just natural human behavior. People gravitate toward those they already know.

And when you throw in the strong likelihood that you're going to be exchanging fluids with them later on in the evening, then of course, you're going to be a bit more discriminating about who you're hanging out with.

After two hours of hapless attempts to make eye contact and smile, we finally met a group who welcomed us into their circle.

But even then, we soon realized that a get-together of swingers doesn't always end in a massive orgy. Sometimes people just want to catch up. The orgy with this group came the second night seriously, stop giggling.

The first night was mostly flirting. And that's the weird thing that I never expected: how often you end up hanging around, joking and chatting with each other.

Because ultimately, these people are friends first albeit friends who make each other sticky. As we delved into the scene, we realized that every couple has their own specific interests.

Some prefer to attend parties and participate in orgies like my wife and I, as we soon realized. Some are more "introverted" I know, it's a weird term in this situation , preferring to meet other couples through the lifestyle websites.

Some couples will do everything but sex soft swap. Other couples will have sex full swap , but only if everyone is in the same room.

Many couples get into the lifestyle because the woman realizes she is bisexual, so they're looking for couples where the women can play with each other, but the men are only involved with their own partners, which may sound complicated or even frustrating for the man, but really is far from something to complain about.

And as we've mentioned before , there are "unicorns" -- single women who play with couples, so named because their rarity and allure are almost mythical.

Then there are the fake swingers. These couples tend to be younger. They attend all the big events, and if there's a stripper pole in the room, you can bet they'll be the first ones on it.

But when it comes down to the actual swinging, they're more into the exhibitionist aspect of the lifestyle and ultimately are not looking for sex with other couples.

Since each couple sets their own boundaries, when we're out meeting other swingers, the first thing we have to figure out is what they're into.

There are so many different levels of swinging that even people who've been in the lifestyle for decades can't keep track.

In case the three years of negotiations I mentioned didn't drive the point home, a lifestyle couple simply can't have any communication barriers.

You have to trust each other percent and be open with each other about everything. Imagine the level of trust you need to be able to tell your partner, "I'm really attracted to this person, and I'd like to have sex with them" As an example of that communication and trust, here's a story one couple we met early on shared with us:.

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Starting Over The Split. Just done. I have one, and one is enough. Tags: marriage open-relationship relationships-tag sex.

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Top Comments Andrea Fitzsimons 2 years ago Reply. Melbmum 2 years ago Reply. I honestly regret reading that.

What is wrong with people? Small Job Provider 2 years ago Reply. True Crime. Before The Bump. Parent Opinion. Lady Startup.

My Profile. My Comments. Comment Feed. More than one person has assumed that bi-hetero relationships must involve threesomes , regularly. In the same way that straight relationships involve, I don't know, Chinese food, or fighting over the remote.

My husband gets fist-bumped rather a lot. Cute, right? Except that it meant that a drunk girl at a party we both attended, who'd never met me but who had heard that I was bi and therefore "must be up for it," tried to force her way into the room where we were sleeping for an unexpected menage a trois.

Obviously there are many things wrong with that situation. But the underlying assumption, that threesomes are regularly on the sexual menu, isn't too uncommon.

It defines "bisexual" as "can't be satisfied without both sexes at once," which is another, entirely different sexual identity. It also overlaps with the stereotype that bi people are sexually insatiable and will seek out anything with a pulse to satisfy their raging libido.

Can it consent? Sweet, it's macking time. I am not Lord Byron. Committing to a lifelong heterosexual relationship when you've been a part of the queer community can cause conversations like this:.

Bi people are in a particular bind when it comes to their dating pool: If they find a partner of the opposite sex, they run the risk of being accused of queer treason.

Having a legally married dude partner means that, for some very lovely LGBT friends, I have sadly lost all my gay points, copped out, thrown in the rainbow-colored towel, and can no longer take part of Pride activities because I'm too busy being committed to male genitalia.

It's also frankly frustrating when anybody, straight or gay, assumes that I have been magically, permanently cured of my very real attraction to boobs by prolonged exposure to my dude's heterosexuality, like it's musky anti-LGBT radiation.

Sexuality is fluid , and it can change over time, but assuming this in another person is a good way to get something thrown at your head.

G — Lesbian Until Graduation — dating women because it was fashionable and edgy or because I was just confused. Nobody's actually congratulated my dude on "turning me" or "helping me make up my mind" — yet.

But I have had a few comments about how relieved I must be that, like Jessie J 's, my experimental phase is over.

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2 thoughts on “My wife and i are looking for a girlfriend”

  1. Absolut ist mit Ihnen einverstanden. Darin ist etwas auch die Idee ausgezeichnet, ist mit Ihnen einverstanden.

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